you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
