I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
