Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
