Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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