Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
