I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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