So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ok first of all what the fuck
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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