you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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