I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
