You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
