just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
