highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
