either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
