I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
