Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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