:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
