the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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