She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
