its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
