but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
