if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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