I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
