I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
