can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
