Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
