I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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