I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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