Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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