He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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