Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize