I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
