you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
