Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
