just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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