We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
