If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
