I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
