rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize