I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
