it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
