Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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