either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
