You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
