Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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