here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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