and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
