I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
