Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
