and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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