Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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