Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
