Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
