my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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