Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.