I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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