end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.