So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
