when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
