I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?