Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.