Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.