I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?