Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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