i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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