you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
