you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
