i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He better not be in your backpack
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
