we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
