I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
