I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
