i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
